


Thigh-Deep

by caterpillargirl



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, Merlin passes the time, Merthur Party 2013, Not the End, Post-Arthur's death, Prompt 5 fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2013-12-27
Packaged: 2018-01-06 09:57:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1105438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caterpillargirl/pseuds/caterpillargirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur is in Avalon.  The years pass. Merlin learns of the legend of Emrys, rides a bike, and lets himself live again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thigh-Deep

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for Day 5 Prompt: Not the End (Present)  
> Merthur Party 2013  
> Go Team Purple!
> 
> Unbeta'd. I will return to this post party to beta it properly.

*********

 

When Arthur died, Merlin lost himself.  Percival found him standing thigh-deep in the water. He had no idea how long he had been standing there, nor did he answer when Percival called to him.  The knight waded out, carried Merlin to shore, stripped his wet clothes and put Merlin in his bedroll by the fire.  Merlin didn’t sleep.  He didn’t speak.  He didn’t eat.  Percival, more than anyone, understood. He didn’t push. He couldn’t.  He simply lay next to Merlin.

 

It was three days before the two men started talking and eating, but Merlin wasn’t fully Merlin.  Most of Merlin was still standing in water watching Arthur leave.   

 

Percival stayed for another two weeks.  Once he was sure that Merlin was eating properly and could fend for himself, Percival returned to Camelot to bring news of Gwaine and Arthur.  Merlin didn’t watch him go.  

 

From time to time, Percival would return to the lake with news of Gaius, Guinevere and Leon.  But the visits grew less frequent as Percival grew older.  Then Percival stopped coming altogether.  

Merlin stayed by the lake shore.  He didn’t think, he didn’t watch.  He sat.  

 

*********

 

One day, a young child stumbled out of the forest, scared and sobbing, but safe.  Merlin gently took her by the hand and walked her to the nearest village.  The townspeople looked at Merlin with curiosity, but without fear or suspicion.  The child’s parents were from the next town over, and had already come through looking for her.  He bought the child some food and managed to find them both a ride to the next town.  In gratitude, the child’s parents offered Merlin dinner and a place to sleep for as long as he wished to stay.

 

During dinner that night, Merlin learned that the all townspeople knew him as the man who lived by the lake and that the story of the great wizard Emrys had been told to children for several generations.  Legend had it that Emrys’s grief at the death of his true love was so great that he froze his own life in time in order not to have to feel his sorrow, and that was why magic had faded from the land.  It was also said that his lover would return one day and Emrys would start to live again.  At that point, magic would once again fill the world. 

 

Merlin considered the legend of Emrys.  He wondered if it were true. 

 

*********

 

Over time, Merlin ventured further and further from the lake on short trips.  At first he wandered from place to place, quiet, sometimes smiling, often helpful, but always moving on after a day or two.  He made few friends, but learned a lot about how the world had changed since Camelot.  He even grew to appreciate some of the new inventions and discoveries he encountered in his travels.

 

Merlin quite enjoyed tea with sugar in particular.  It reminded him of better-tasting versions of the drinks Gaius would cook up from the extra herbs he would collect.  It was a shame Gaius didn’t know about sugar -- his patients would have appreciated it.  Forks were a great invention too.  He collected forks for a while until he realized they were easily found and not at all the exotic rarity he had first believed them to be. 

 

Photography was fun.  He would take portraits of townspeople and local landmarks.  He enjoyed watching the images appear on the glass and metal plates as he developed them.  He didn’t really like film cartridges when they came out, but he made do.   He finally gave up on photography when color film became popular.  He had enjoyed how black and white seem to capture an in-between world. Color photography was too close to real life, and he didn’t see the point in it.

 

Merlin didn’t like cars, but he did buy a bicycle. He spent two weeks learning to ride it without magic, just to prove to himself that he wasn’t a clumsy oaf. It was around that time that he also realized that plasters were quite handy.  He enjoyed the radio, especially the portable ones once they were developed.  He could often be seen biking from town to town wearing his headphones.  The townspeople joked that they kept his ears close to his head, cutting down on wind-resistance.  Merlin recognized the fondness in their words and would smile in return.  

 

When the nearby town built a railway station, he started to travel farther and for longer periods of time.  He took a boat across the waters, and visited several countries by train and bicycle.  France was flat and monotonous, although the tall churches to their god were stunning at times.  He wondered what Geoffrey would think of the colored glass walls that recorded the lives of their saints and god.  He visited Rome briefly, but it was too hot and there were too many cars for his taste.  He only stayed for a few days before moving further north.  Norway was lovely with its forests and steep mountains, and he thought that Freya would have enjoyed it there.  He considered visiting America or Australia, but the idea of getting in an airplane to fly just seemed wrong to him -- for the first time in centuries, Kilgarrah’s name came into his head.  Asia and Africa were appealing, but he had been away for some time already.  He would save those for another journey, and instead booked passage to England.

 

*********

 

One morning, he woke up earlier than usual with a strange feeling in his stomach.  He sat for a while looking his breakfast.  The day felt off, as though he had forgotten something important.  Giving up on food, Merlin went for a walk to the lake to clear his head.  A white van passed him several times along the way.  He nearly waved it down to offer directions, but decided that the driver would stop if he or she wanted help.  Merlin rounded the final corner as the white van drove by once again.  He followed it with his eyes, only to notice an older man walking towards him further up the road.  He looked similar to Merlin’s own self when he used to take on the persona of Dragoon.  Suddenly, Merlin stopped short with a cramp in his side.  The older man stopped as well, but turned to talk with some people across the road from the lake, people Merlin hadn’t noticed before. 

 

Merlin watched for a few minutes as his cramp dulled.  The older man started to walk back and forth along the same stretch of road.  Merlin wandered over out of curiosity, but woman stopped him.  She told him there was a film shoot in progress and he couldn’t walk through just yet. Merlin stood there for a few minutes wondering why anyone would want to film this strip of road before it occurred to him that the film could be about Emrys. As soon as that thought entered his head, his eyes started to sting and his stomach tightened.  Through the pain, Merlin felt a soft but insistent pull on his legs and arms.  He walked forward, ignoring the protests of the woman and the startled shouts of the people in the field.  The van pulled to a stop somewhere behind him.

 

The older man stood on the roadside, watching Merlin approach.  Merlin half-nodded as he walked past him too.  His attention was now entirely focused on the dark-haired man standing thigh-deep in the lake.  As he took his first step into the water, Merlin reeled from the rush of memories of Camelot, of Hunith, of Morgana, of Balinor, of Mordred, and of Arthur.  His Arthur.  His lover.  His love. 

 

Finally, finally, Merlin let himself feel.

 

 


End file.
